Michelle Brewer

is the deepest form of compassion, for another, for the world, for the self, for a life, for the body, for a family and for all our ideals, all vulnerable and all, possibly about to be hurt. Stripped of physical imprisonment and violent reaction, anger is the purest form of care, the internal living flame of anger always illuminates what we belong to, what we wish to protect and what we are willing to hazard ourselves for. What we usually call anger is only what is left of its essence when it reaches the lost surface of our mind or our body’s incapacity to hold it, or the limits of our understanding. What we name as anger is actually only the incoherent physical incapacity to sustain this deep form of care in our outer daily life; the unwillingness to be large enough and generous enough to hold what we love helplessly in our bodies or our mind with the clarity and breadth of our whole being.

Throw away all the books that tell you how to live.

Live from your heart, forget conventions, open to the moment, express freely in love.

In the world of the heart there is no holding.

Your wounded heart, your rejected self will be healed in this.

Start to live your own life.

Love accepts the darkness and light equally.

You deserve a lover who wants you dishevelled, with everything and all the reasons that wake you up in a haste and the demons that won’t let you sleep.

You deserve a lover who makes you feel safe, who can consume this world whole if he walks hand in hand with you; someone who believes that his embraces are a perfect match with your skin.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

I want to age like sea glass.

Smoothed by tides

but not broken.

I want my hard edges to soften.

I want to ride the waves,

go with the flow

and let it carry me.

I want to catch a wave

to where I belong.

are we mother and daughter in every lifetime?

I hope not.

a child who feels empty will try and fill
themselves with anything. my mother scoffs
at me when I get up for seconds and says:

“do you really need another plate?”

It’s when the earth shakes
And foundations crumble
That our light is called
To rise up.

It’s when everything falls away
And shakes us to the core
And awakens all
Of our hidden ghosts
That we did deeper to find
Once inaccessible strength.

I would like to open my heart to you
and keep it open, but the truth is
sometimes all it takes is a glance,
or the lack of a glance, or a certain tone,
or a serrated tone, and instantly the heart
puts on its armor, which is something like
a coat of porcupine quills, only
only the quills go inward, too, and the instant
I wear it, I am aware of how much it hurts
to wear it. How in that moment when I seek
to protect myself, I wound myself.

There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.