Call Me By Your Name

This entry is taken from one of the most beautiful film scenes I’ve ever seen. It is between a father and a son. I wonder what the world would be like if there were more experiences like this in the world between parents and children.

It is a conversation between the son and his father after a young man staying with the family over the summer–and with whom the son has been having what he believed to be a clandestine relationship–returns to his home. The son after riding with him to the town with the airport comes back quiet but obviously impacted.


F: Sooooo? Welcome home.

S: Thanks.

F: Oliver enjoy the trip?

S: Yeah. I think he did.

F: You two have a nice friendship.

S: Yeah.

F: You’re too smart to not know how rare, how special what you two had was.

S: Well, Oliver was Oliver.


F: “Parce que c’était lui.” “Parce que c’était moi.”

S: Oliver may be very intelligent, but….

F: No no nooo. He was more than intelligent. What you two had, had
everything and nothing to do with intelligence. He was good. You were
both lucky to have found each other…because you…too are good.

S: I think he was better than me.

F: Ohhhhh.

S: I think he was better than me. (crying)

F: I am sure he’d say the same thing about you.

S: Yeah. I’m sure he’d say the same thing.

F: It flatters you both.

When you least expect it, nature has cunning ways of finding our
weakest spot.

Just, remember I’m here.

Right now you may not want to feel anything. Maybe you never wanted
to feel anything. And maybe it’s not to me you want to speak about
these things.

But feel something you obviously did. Look, you had a beautiful
friendship. Maybe more than a friendship. And I envy you. In my place,
most parents would hope the whole things goes away. Pray their sons
land on their feet. But, I am not such a parent. We rip out so much
out of ourselves to be cured of things faster that we go bankrupt by
the age of 30. And have less to offer each time we start with someone
new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything?
What a waste.

Have I spoken out of turn?

S: No.

F: Then I will say one more thing. It’ll clear the air. I may have
come close. But I never had what you two have. Something always held
me back. Or stood in the way. How you live your life is your business.
Just remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once.
And before you know it your heart’s worn out. And, as for your body,
there comes a point when no one looks at it much less wants to come
near it. Right now there’s sorrow. Pain. Don’t kill it. And with it
the joy you felt.